Miss Independent

I did an interesting poll on my Instagram handle over the weekend. It came up as I considered the nature of the corporate world. We currently have a pyramid characterized by men at the top. Now, with time, women are catching up and the statistics are slowly evolving. The more women win in their careers, there seems to be a distinct impact on their priorities as well as a decline in the percentage of them that settle down in marriage. And there’s absolutely no problem with that. My poll was thus to get my diverse followers’ opinion on why they’d think there are successful women who are unmarried.

I’m not ignorant of the fact that there are successful women who are happily married and raising great families. I choose to equally applaud both categories. And now as much as this is a hot topic, it’s a sensitive one as well. Hence, I’m keen to point out that this was not a poll to address a problem, or seek solutions, but just to have an open discussion on our thoughts. Who knows, maybe after reading this, we may all just get clarity on the kind of people we want to be and be with, some of you ladies may start critically thinking about your life goals where marriage and family is concerned. At this point, let me thank everyone who participated in the poll. This is what the results looked like.

It’s interesting to note that majority believe that successful women are unmarried because their independence intimidates most men. Before I delve into this and other reasons, gentlemen, I believe that an independent woman (of good character of course) is what you need as a man, believe it or not. Did you know that prov 31 actually advocates for this kind of a woman?

.....She is like a merchant’s ship, bringing her food from afar......She goes to inspect a field and buys it; with her earnings she plants a vineyard. She is energetic and strong, a hard worker. She makes sure her dealings are profitable; her lamp burns late into the night......

Let that sink in!

Their independence intimidates most men

Just the other day, I was laughing my self off as a friend narrated to me her ordeals with men. She’s a woman in technology, a prestigious field, highly dominated by men. Hello female doctors, architects, engineers, just to mention a few:) So, she’d be out at an event, a guy approaches her. The conversation kicks off really well and all is fine until that part she talks about her career and boom! The guy is gone just like that…like hey, it was really nice to meet you.

Is it that the guy just felt “wow! Too much for me to handle!” Is it that the guy is just too insecure, probably thinking “she’s too smart for me”. Or does this guy already have a negative stereotype about an independent woman? Or did he probably just feel some attack on his ego. And if that’s the case, why? I know men are naturally wired to take the lead, to be the head. But then, does this mean that a man can’t lead a woman thriving in her own world?

I gathered that some men will value a woman’s high status only up to the point where their woman’s status exceeds their own. Because past that point, they begin to feel threatened. They feel like they’re slowly losing their bargaining power, losing their voice.

It thus takes a really strong, secure and mature man to lead and handle an independent woman. It also takes a submissive woman to make it work with a man not really at her level. I know when I talk about being at the same level, the first factors that crossed your mind were probably education, finances… So let’s just work with that hehe.

On men getting intimidated by successful women, I’d point out that the boy child was never taught how to deal with an independent woman. The main role of a woman traditionally, used to be home making. Now things are changing and the men in society aren’t sure how they should react to these empowered women. I’m talking about empowered women of noble character. Let’s teach our young men how to handle them!

Men, also get to understand your capacity, what you can sustain. Making peace with what you can handle may just remove all that intimidation that comes when you encounter successful women.

Lastly, men, be secure enough to perceive such a woman as your strength. You need not be intimidated by a woman’s success. She wins, you win! Her success is your success. Proverbs 31:23 Her husband is greatly respected when he deliberates with the city fathers. Selah.

Let’s talk about submission.

They are too independent to submit

What is submission really? Simply put, male authority, female obeisance.

As some women climb up the ladder and improve on their socioeconomic status, the more bossier and hard headed they may become. Don’t act surprised, that character was always there. Give someone power and money, and their character is amplified. They were always proud and non-submissive, they just didn’t have a platform to display it. Men, just learn how to read and define character.

Women, if you’re looking to get married someday, learn what it means to submit to a man’s authority! If you don’t play by this rule, then you lose. One key thing is that, respect is a pre-requisite to companionship. Egos et al may prevent people from getting together, but lack of respect prevents people from staying together. Also, a gentle heart and quiet spirit is something you need to start working on. Remember that men want to be needed. He wants to be your hero baby. Let him lead irregardless.

Most women are comfortable focusing on their careers only

Something hilarious my dad tells us is that “marriage is not a career”. This is in other words to say that no one should pressure you to get married. Get married only if and when you want to. He just nails it for me!

I know of ladies who are comfortable focusing on their careers only. They derive their satisfaction in life from that. Their callings in life doesn’t entail getting married. However, this is not a smooth path for most. We were all created with that desire for companionship. If all of them were to be honest with themselves, then we’d discover that they are not as many as they claim to be!

When you’re getting too comfortable with your career, I think it’s also important to pause and think, how long will this comfort last? Thinking about your future may shed some light on this. Who do you want around you as you turn 60, 70, 80, 90?

At this point, we need to figure out and decide, do I want to get married someday? Marriage is beautiful, but it’s not the ultimate goal for everyone in life. If your happiness, joy and fulfillment in life comes from everything else but the thought of marriage and family, then yes, you do you! The true essence of life is discovering and pursuing our purpose.

Conclusion

When a man/woman chooses to focus on everything else but marriage, let’s let them be. I understand marriage was God’s idea. It’s optional though, It wasn’t a command. If anything, Paul who wrote under the influence of God’s spirit, tells us that if you opt not to get married, then you’ll actually have lesser worries on earth.

I also perceive marriage as a partnership, not a competition. Partnerships only thrive when you partner with the right people. Marrying your best friend will make you really really happy. Also, when we understand it’s no competition, then we understand that when you win, we win! It then probably wouldn’t really matter who is more successful. You compliment each other, you are one.

Miss independent, if you’ve been in cycles of heartache and broken relationships, don’t stereotype men based on your past. Yes, good men worthy of your respect and love still exist. Heal that hurt. Also, don’t dim your light to attract a man. Wear your crown day in day out! Be as authentic as you can be and you’ll attract just the right person for you. Work towards independence! Yes, work it!

Girl, do your thing! Work towards independence, most importantly, striving to be the Prov 31 kind of independent ❀

13 thoughts on “Miss Independent

  1. This is actually something I have been thinking about with regards to my life. I am only 22 and the word Marriage has started being sneaked into conversations when older people speak to me. I have also seen it with my peers where there’s this fear that there’s a thing like too much success that could leave you single. Great post. It was very profound and insightful!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I totally get you. It’s great if we can figure out earlier on in life if we actually want to get married someday.

      And that fear you’ve mentioned is real. But what do we do? This is when I say that authenticity will have you attracting the right person, I believe.

      Thank you for reading and sharing thoughts!!!

      Liked by 1 person

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