All posts by doriskoki

Miss Independent

I did an interesting poll on my Instagram handle over the weekend. It came up as I considered the nature of the corporate world. We currently have a pyramid characterized by men at the top. Now, with time, women are catching up and the statistics are slowly evolving. The more women win in their careers, there seems to be a distinct impact on their priorities as well as a decline in the percentage of them that settle down in marriage. And there’s absolutely no problem with that. My poll was thus to get my diverse followers’ opinion on why they’d think there are successful women who are unmarried.

I’m not ignorant of the fact that there are successful women who are happily married and raising great families. I choose to equally applaud both categories. And now as much as this is a hot topic, it’s a sensitive one as well. Hence, I’m keen to point out that this was not a poll to address a problem, or seek solutions, but just to have an open discussion on our thoughts. Who knows, maybe after reading this, we may all just get clarity on the kind of people we want to be and be with, some of you ladies may start critically thinking about your life goals where marriage and family is concerned. At this point, let me thank everyone who participated in the poll. This is what the results looked like.

It’s interesting to note that majority believe that successful women are unmarried because their independence intimidates most men. Before I delve into this and other reasons, gentlemen, I believe that an independent woman (of good character of course) is what you need as a man, believe it or not. Did you know that prov 31 actually advocates for this kind of a woman?

.....She is like a merchant’s ship, bringing her food from afar......She goes to inspect a field and buys it; with her earnings she plants a vineyard. She is energetic and strong, a hard worker. She makes sure her dealings are profitable; her lamp burns late into the night......

Let that sink in!

Their independence intimidates most men

Just the other day, I was laughing my self off as a friend narrated to me her ordeals with men. She’s a woman in technology, a prestigious field, highly dominated by men. Hello female doctors, architects, engineers, just to mention a few:) So, she’d be out at an event, a guy approaches her. The conversation kicks off really well and all is fine until that part she talks about her career and boom! The guy is gone just like that…like hey, it was really nice to meet you.

Is it that the guy just felt “wow! Too much for me to handle!” Is it that the guy is just too insecure, probably thinking “she’s too smart for me”. Or does this guy already have a negative stereotype about an independent woman? Or did he probably just feel some attack on his ego. And if that’s the case, why? I know men are naturally wired to take the lead, to be the head. But then, does this mean that a man can’t lead a woman thriving in her own world?

I gathered that some men will value a woman’s high status only up to the point where their woman’s status exceeds their own. Because past that point, they begin to feel threatened. They feel like they’re slowly losing their bargaining power, losing their voice.

It thus takes a really strong, secure and mature man to lead and handle an independent woman. It also takes a submissive woman to make it work with a man not really at her level. I know when I talk about being at the same level, the first factors that crossed your mind were probably education, finances… So let’s just work with that hehe.

On men getting intimidated by successful women, I’d point out that the boy child was never taught how to deal with an independent woman. The main role of a woman traditionally, used to be home making. Now things are changing and the men in society aren’t sure how they should react to these empowered women. I’m talking about empowered women of noble character. Let’s teach our young men how to handle them!

Men, also get to understand your capacity, what you can sustain. Making peace with what you can handle may just remove all that intimidation that comes when you encounter successful women.

Lastly, men, be secure enough to perceive such a woman as your strength. You need not be intimidated by a woman’s success. She wins, you win! Her success is your success. Proverbs 31:23 Her husband is greatly respected when he deliberates with the city fathers. Selah.

Let’s talk about submission.

They are too independent to submit

What is submission really? Simply put, male authority, female obeisance.

As some women climb up the ladder and improve on their socioeconomic status, the more bossier and hard headed they may become. Don’t act surprised, that character was always there. Give someone power and money, and their character is amplified. They were always proud and non-submissive, they just didn’t have a platform to display it. Men, just learn how to read and define character.

Women, if you’re looking to get married someday, learn what it means to submit to a man’s authority! If you don’t play by this rule, then you lose. One key thing is that, respect is a pre-requisite to companionship. Egos et al may prevent people from getting together, but lack of respect prevents people from staying together. Also, a gentle heart and quiet spirit is something you need to start working on. Remember that men want to be needed. He wants to be your hero baby. Let him lead irregardless.

Most women are comfortable focusing on their careers only

Something hilarious my dad tells us is that “marriage is not a career”. This is in other words to say that no one should pressure you to get married. Get married only if and when you want to. He just nails it for me!

I know of ladies who are comfortable focusing on their careers only. They derive their satisfaction in life from that. Their callings in life doesn’t entail getting married. However, this is not a smooth path for most. We were all created with that desire for companionship. If all of them were to be honest with themselves, then we’d discover that they are not as many as they claim to be!

When you’re getting too comfortable with your career, I think it’s also important to pause and think, how long will this comfort last? Thinking about your future may shed some light on this. Who do you want around you as you turn 60, 70, 80, 90?

At this point, we need to figure out and decide, do I want to get married someday? Marriage is beautiful, but it’s not the ultimate goal for everyone in life. If your happiness, joy and fulfillment in life comes from everything else but the thought of marriage and family, then yes, you do you! The true essence of life is discovering and pursuing our purpose.

Conclusion

When a man/woman chooses to focus on everything else but marriage, let’s let them be. I understand marriage was God’s idea. It’s optional though, It wasn’t a command. If anything, Paul who wrote under the influence of God’s spirit, tells us that if you opt not to get married, then you’ll actually have lesser worries on earth.

I also perceive marriage as a partnership, not a competition. Partnerships only thrive when you partner with the right people. Marrying your best friend will make you really really happy. Also, when we understand it’s no competition, then we understand that when you win, we win! It then probably wouldn’t really matter who is more successful. You compliment each other, you are one.

Miss independent, if you’ve been in cycles of heartache and broken relationships, don’t stereotype men based on your past. Yes, good men worthy of your respect and love still exist. Heal that hurt. Also, don’t dim your light to attract a man. Wear your crown day in day out! Be as authentic as you can be and you’ll attract just the right person for you. Work towards independence! Yes, work it!

Girl, do your thing! Work towards independence, most importantly, striving to be the Prov 31 kind of independent ❤

The journey

Success, they say, is what happens when opportunity meets preparation. I totally agree, having seen how detrimental premature success is. I mean, it’s bound to be detrimental when great opportunities come to unprepared people. It’s probably also important to highlight at this point that I prefer looking at success as a journey, not a destination. A journey because there are no limits to how far we can go. At least, that’s my perspective.

Viewing it as a journey thus trickles down to being keen on how we handle each and every opportunity that comes our way. It’s definitely safer to walk into such when prepared. Then, we will be able to rule over the opportunities as opposed to the opportunities mastering us, or worse still, us wasting a chance to greatness.

Fact though is that, you won’t always be ready for everything in life. Some chances may occur to you unexpectedly. Hence when I talk about preparation, it’s not like getting that exam leakage where you cram the answers and translate it as it is to your answer sheet. Rather, it’s about shaping your character, getting to define who you are as a person while clearly defining your values. Then opening up your mind and training/adjusting it to see what success looks like be it in your family, friendships, career, name it. When your character is in check, every choice you make based on it will be worth it. And as long as your mind is ready to take it in, then you got this.

If preparation was a road, we’d talk about many people who hit the road, and traversed long enough before their light shone, but everyone has their own unique journey, right? Then instead, let’s focus on our own. How long would you want it to take you to get ‘there’? Yes, you can refer to your time bound plans and projects. After all, goals not tied to a timeline are just dreams. Set timelines and while at it, always pray for direction. Because many are the plans of a man but the Lord’s will prevails.

If there’s a phrase i’ve heard a million and one times it’s this, trust the process. Now, there are processes in life common to all of us. Take for example the Kenyan 8-4-4 system that most of us went through. 8 years in primary school, working towards getting good grades to that national school, then to university to get ready for a career, then onto nurturing our careers in our various fields. I can’t also leave out that part where we’re to move out of our parents’ home by is it 25 years of age or what. Then we have the timelines that dictate when you should get married, ladies holla! Then after marriage, the pressure is on having kids, then……i’ll tell you about the rest when I get there, lol.

I can rap that all over again, because that’s what we’ve been wired to. All these are societal expectations. Societal, thus no doubt this varies across communities, countries and continents. And the thing about societal pressure is that it never stops. Then I wonder, what happens when you don’t live up to these set expectations perpetrated by systems you already found existing?

Everyone will have expectations of you. Set your own, live up to your own.

Remember you have a unique story. No one gets to dictate when you should do what and how you should do it. Remember talking about goals. I re-iterate, pray then have them written down. Have so much confidence in God’s plan that you’re not moved when things don’t align with the set expectations. His will! His way! My faith!

In everything you pursue, have a clear destination set. Obstacles are easier to conquer with a destination in mind. Sometimes, you won’t always know the how, but as long as you step out knowing the what, then you’re good to go. So is your destination clear enough to you?

Maintain a positive attitude through life. Your attitude highly determines what comes your way, what you attract, what you repel. Positive attitude yields positive energy that will have you attracting almost everything you desire, it’s so simple. Remember, your attitude, is something you cannot hide. If anything, it introduces you before you even say your name.

Work it! Effort and consistency! Nothing good comes easy. You have to sweat it. And I’ve just remembered something we used to say back in primary school, the roots are bitter, but the fruits are sweet. That’s nothing new, right? Then let’s act like we know these things. Sacrifice what you must to get there. Count the cost. It’s some simple math.

Enjoy the moment. I won’t say YOLO, but honestly, if you saw what’s coming, If you dared to believe it and work it, if you dared to build up your faith, you would not stress for a minute about what’s not working as at now. It’s coming. Brighter days are yet to come, ain’t no question that tomorrow there’ll be good times, and I believe with every beat of my heart.

Don’t complain. Enough of the whining! We fixed the narrative, right? Allow me then not to dwell on that. And because we have the winners mentality, we know that yes, we can tackle whatever it is that we need to, to get there. Don’t be afraid to open up to the challenge. The best things in life are on the other side of fear.

Life is short. Our days on earth are like grass; like wildflowers, we bloom and die. So Lord teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom. Yes, I’m here cheering you on, because I believe we are born unto good works, and to conquer this world. But as we work hard to make meaning out of life, let’s be careful not to gain the whole world and lose our souls.

Rejoice at closed doors. For a new door to open, one has to close. Doors will always close on you at some point in life. Remember, it’s all a process. A closed curtain doesn’t mean the production is over. The curtain has to close to set up for the next scene. You probably need to do some polishing for the next scene. Work on yourself, build those skills. They may call us the microwave generation, but it’s time we learn to appreciate the process.

Never forget it’s your journey, and yours alone to run. Take the driver’s seat. Exceed the speed limit when you must, slow down when you should, overtake if they’re slowing you down. Run the show! Run it well! Work it! As you run, don’t look back. As you keep going, bear in mind that Life is a road with so many signs. To take the right one, you need God by your side. Follow the signs and you’ll get to your destination.

Appreciate the process. Even when it feels like you’re wasting your time, because you know you’re not where you are supposed to be, remember, no experience in life is ever a waste. The lessons you learn from these experiences will serve you when you least expect. The world is your oyster!

Finally, it’s always darkest before dawn. The sun sets, the sun will rise. Patience is key. It all works out eventually. Keep giving it your best. Don’t give up. Joy comes in the morning! ☀️

It gets brighter! Till next time, hit the road! Safe journey!! More life, love & light!

Awesome Blogger Award

I would like to thank Domeka for nominating me for the Awesome Blogger Award. You can check out her amazing blog right here  http://mymeekmeek.com

I am elated as I receive this nomination having started my blogging journey merely 2 months ago. I actually signed up this account back in 2016. But as I mentioned in my first blog, I blame the delay on our enemy procrastination.

Nevertheless, I’m glad I’m here today. I’m grateful to you all for engaging with my posts as well as sharing great content that makes me love my community around here.

I had always enjoyed public speaking and writing from my formative years. And so writing for me, especially on topics that I am passionate about makes me feel fulfilled and satisfied.


I write mainly to spark conversations on norms in society, I also enjoy shedding light on biblical truths, telling stories to ignite a winner’s mentality in all my readers and soon I’ll write more on adventures. Just waiting for the containment of Covid-19 and I can tag you along with me on all my adventures.Questions

(1) What is your motivation for blogging?
My main motivation is to inspire growth, challenge our faith to move forward in life and light up people’s faces and hearts.

(2) Who is your intended audience?
Practically anyone and everyone, across the globe. And I am glad to have connected with you all on this space.

(3) What is your best memory of this year?
First thing that came to mind was a luncheon I had with my amazing friends, right before lockdown and curfew regulations were imposed following the first coronavirus case reported in our country.

(4) Could you vision yourself doing anything other than blogging?
Yes. Probably a youtube channel. Because then I will get to enjoy my public speaking. It’d basically be me echoing my blogs, thus serving the same purpose.

(5) What is your take away from this year 2020?
2020 has been quite that year. My biggest take away so far is that “Many plans are in a man’s mind, but it is the Lord’s purpose for him that will stand.” Learning to align our desires and plans with God’s will, will always be key.


And now, I nominate the following across the 3 categories:
Penable Award Nominees,
Awesome Blogger Award Nominees, Brainstorms Award Nominees

1. Penzi http://penzihome.wordpress.com
2. Fredrick http://cityflamesart.wordpress.com
3.Marie http://eatdelight3.wordpress.com
4. Era
mailto:thehiddensoul25@wordpress.com
5. Harman  http://myserenewords.wordpress.com


The questions for all nominees remain the same as the ones i’ve answered.


Rules

  • Thank the one who nominated you.

  • Tag your post with #BrainStormsAward and follow BrainStorms if you are willing, Tag your post with #Penable award and tag the post with #Awesome blogger award.
  • Display the brainstorms award logo and display the Penable award logo
  • Talk a bit about your blog. Why you started it what you write on, and your goal for your blog in brainstorms award.
  • Tell us what your writing talent is in the Penable award.
  • Answer the five questions you have been asked , answer the three questions you have been asked , and answer the questions you were asked.
  • Nominate five other amazing bloggers in brainstorms award, awesome bloggers award , nominate three inspiring people for this Penable award.
  • Ask them five new questions in brainstorm award.
  • Give them three questions to answer in the Penable award and give them five new questions to answer in the awesome bloggers award.

Decorating your corner

Imagine if the President was your dad or bro or best friend? Picture that? I know for most, the first thing that comes to mind is how, somehow all your problems would disappear. I know you’re already picturing that lavish lifestyle you’d be leading. Forget it, if you don’t like him! Just being real hehe. If so, then I’m guessing you won’t have a hard time swapping him with the vice president in that imagination.

I’m using the analogy of these two people because they represent the highest seats of power, authority and leadership in our country, with a wide sphere of influence of course. Who wouldn’t want to be associated with that, if it all came on a silver platter and with no negative effects resulting from the affiliation?

Anyway, fact is, we all can’t have that close affiliation. Also, their names in society wouldn’t mean anything to some of us. Reason being, we are all different, hence we are all pursuing different goals, and different goals require different kinds of input to succeed. Yes, you may beg to differ with me, it’s allowed.

This was however just to spark your mind to think what your goals look like, the kind of energy required into it and most importantly, the kind of people you need to have in your corner to effectively actualize your dreams. Your ‘presidents’ and ‘vice-presidents’. After all, no man is an island. You just can’t make it on your own.

I heard someone say that the relationships you invest in today are what your children will be calling connections. So much humor and truth in that. Well, depends with your sense of humor. The main point here is to invest in quality relationships. Long-term friendships.

Bear in mind that as you grow older, you get busy. It therefore gets harder to build new strong and stable relations. Why? Because certainly, the people you’d intend to connect with, are also busy. That’s a reality. So, if you need certain relationships to advance, build them right away. Seize every moment available to build strong networks.

As we talk about investing in quality relationships, it’s important to note that this is not a call to look down on anyone at all. In fact, one of the most practical words of advice I’ve ever gotten is, never dismiss anyone, because you don’t know their tomorrow. Especially if it’s a young person. Feel free to define young. Its relative.

So, we are not going to look down on anyone. We will just be more intentional when it comes to nurturing some of the relationships in our lives. It becomes easier to point out these relationships, if we know where we’re headed, because only then can you tell what’s of value to you.

People who want the best for you, will always want to see you at your best! That’s one criteria for evaluation, in case you were wondering. These are the kind of people you want in your corner. They will sacrifice their time and whatever it takes, to see you at your best. You won’t struggle sharing your ideas with them.

On the contrary, there are others who will associate with you only because of where you are, not who you are. They’re in it for the short term. Tread carefully around them. Don’t get so attached. If anything, these are the majority of people you meet in this journey of life. Just remember, people come, people go. So do seasons in life.

I’m always onto positive energy! I’ll definitely say, have around you people who speak positive and see possibility everywhere. Like-mindedness is also key. Oprah once said that when you surround yourself with people who are not accustomed to your success, they become fearful because you’re projecting to them something they don’t recognize. Check who’s around you. That’s why we need to fix our corners. Who is in your corner?

Decorate your corner. If I was to practically decorate a corner, first thing that comes to mind is flowers. Yes, maybe it’s just because of the word decorate haha. So, I would get the best flowers available in the stores. No matter the price tag, for real. Only as long as I’m sure that the quality would last as long as I’d want them to. Then of course I’d prepare myself psychologically to tend to these flowers as regularly as I should to maintain my corner bright.

I won’t tell you what else I’d put in my corner, because you don’t tell everyone everything about your space, right? But i’m relating this corner to your relationships corner. Thinking, who is in your corner? Not everyone will stick to the very end, but can we be intentional with establishing a strong network.

Take enough time as you pick on people you want in your corner. That space isn’t big enough for everyone. You also don’t want to drain your energy investing on people who aren’t in it for your good, when there are bigger problems you need to be solving. Pick right. Invest in quality relationships. It hurts to spend money on things with no return. Economists will tell you, you need value for your money. Same principle applies in relationships. Remember, you need a return on all your investments.

As you take your time, apply wisdom to it. Who you journey on with in life is such an important decision. It determines how far you’ll go, what mountains you’ll be able to climb, how much pressure can withstand. See, it’s something you want to spend time thinking about, before you make the decision. In my opinion, when it comes to friendships, it’s never about the numbers, but the quality. If I can count on atleast three people, then I’m good to go. And by the way, it’s even cheaper investing in fewer people.

Good things are nurtured. So are good friendships. Tend to them as you would to your ‘flowers’. Otherwise, they’ll fade and die. Who wants to lose beautiful flowers? No one. So if they’re the right people for your corner, tend to them. Sacrifice what you must. If they’re right for your purpose, you won’t struggle.

Once you have the right people in your corner, you won’t struggle with being vulnerable around them. After all, we all need that safe space to unwind, plan the next moves and advance. Nurture your friendships and you’ll love your corner.

Protect your corner. If you’re going to be vulnerable with one another in your circle, then you need to be certain of a sense of confidentiality amongst you. Whatever happens in your corner remains right there. This won’t be a challenge if you picked right in the first place.

Growth! It’s all about growth! Not just fun. That’s the only reason we’re decorating our corners today with the right people. People who buy into our dreams and visions. People who challenge you to broaden your vision and become better. People who give maximum support. People who are in it with unquestionably good and pure intentions to growth! These friends will hold you up when you’re down, will give you hope and courage, will help you achieve your dreams,

As I come to a close, I’ve figured, maybe I should have said this in the beginning: that it’s not always about you. It’s not just about what you can get and get and get. How selfish of you if you read on up to this point without thinking, what am I bringing to the table? If it’s a corner that’s going to be a spring of life, then as they pour into you, you must pour into them as well! Reciprocity!

Decorate your corner. We all love beautiful places. Take your time so that you pick right. Invest in this right pick, and at this point we’re certain that it’s a mutual effort. Then build each other up. The world needs more of such strong forces. Cheers to healthy bonds pursuing growth! Cheers to that bright corner that’s nothing but a spring of life! All the best as you engage on this important project!

Till next time, love & light 😊

Fixing the narrative

I enjoy writing on this platform. Generally, writing is like some sort of therapy for me. Free therapy as a matter of fact. Not that I love free things though, lol. So now, each time I write, particularly on this blog, I always have this goal to try as much as I can to connect with my audience. To maintain that flow. All in all, trying to be that good communicator or storyteller, step by step you know. Trying to get that perfect narrative that will drive my points home, fast and safe. Hang in there, you’ll see where we’re going with this.

I’ve been interested in holding conversations with my friends as well, sharing opinions, discussing and debating on issues, chatting over ideas, replaying memories, sharing stories of our lives, and maybe I should have just simply said, I enjoy telling as well as listening to stories. It occurred to me though, that the most important story you’ll ever tell is the story you tell yourself. That I can actually tell it all to myself, is just a wow! I’m not just talking about fantasies, but faith-filled narratives!

At this point, note that the stories or narratives we tell can either build or break, us or our listeners. When bad stuff happen to us, what kills us is the narrative we derive from it. How we view it. Let’s keep it real, separating how you perceive life’s challenges from what they actually are. Most times, it’s never that serious. I mean, I know it’s bad, but there’s nothing new under the sun. Work on your narrative. Choose a positive perception.

All this sounds easier said than done. I don’t know what the past few months have been like for you. What thoughts you’re battling with lately. What pressure is on your shoulders. Just whatever is causing you sleepless nights. No matter how trivial, this piece goes out to you. The pressure and negativity starts subconsciously, and you know what, all i’m interested in today, is us consciously fixing that narrative.

All i’m interested in today, is us fixing the narrative.

Wise words satisfy like a good meal; the right words bring satisfaction. The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences. So, you get to choose. Do you want to bring forth death or life with your words? I’d pick the latter. Speak life! Change the narrative and you will rise. So, before we can even get to what you’re telling those around you, what are you telling yourself? What do you derive from everything that happens around you? What’s your narrative like?

If we’re going to find hope, let’s first fix the narrative. In Matthew 9, there was a woman who had an issue of blood, for 12 years. She kept telling herself, “if only I may touch the hem of His garment, I will be made whole!!! She believed it, said it, did it, and yes you guessed right, she got healed. That’s the power of faith filled narratives. Speak what you want to see. Then back your faith up with actions. Yes, I wasn’t going to leave that part out.

I’ll be real with y’all, I have struggled on this, because, I am such a logical thinker. Then I got to understand that most times faith isn’t logical! I mean, think about it, faith is being sure of the things you hope for and being certain of things you cannot see. How can you be certain of what you cannot see? Now, I can, because I understand there’s a force and power greater than me that rules my life, God! My faith works, because it’s pegged on Him.

So, welcome on board! Stop the unbelief! Choose to see it, before you actually see it! You become what you believe, achieve what you believe you can. As a man thinketh, so is he! Many run away from challenges because of unbelief. But if you could build your faith, you’d step out and act, believing the dots would join themselves along the way. Faith is the only evidence you’ll ever need to make moves! So, have faith, pen down and voice out faith filled narratives.

Fresh water and salt water cannot flow from the same spring. A salt spring can never produce fresh water. Choose what kind of spring you want to be. You will evidently produce what’s within you. That’s why we’ll also need to get our hearts on check first. Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. Believe in your heart. Have your faith firmly rooted. Then speak it! This is still a reminder that words carry power.

Words have power! No wonder the adage goes, think before you speak! So let’s get into the habit of making faith filled narratives. Enough of the negativity around us. When bad things happen, we’re going to find the good and speak it. We’re renaming the negative things around. And when you feel stuck, get your faith to work. Speak what you want to see. And act on it. Once again, faith is all the evidence you’ll ever need!

Now, each time I write, my goal is to connect with myself first. If there’s a flow i’m striving to maintain, it’s a flow of positivity. If i’m going to strive towards perfection, i’m starting by perfecting my narrative, regardless of what’s happening around! Let’s do this guys. Get your narrative right. Then step out, ready for the challenge. Positive vibes only! It’s time to fix the narrative.

It’s a new dawn, clean slate, fix your narrative.
Till next time guys, Love & Light!

The game

I was always such a playful kid. Oh, how I loved games! I couldn’t wait for hometime, just so I could get home and play with my friends. You may wonder, what about homework? It’s safe to say I learnt how to maximize on time long ago. Just felt like dropping that in there lol. So I’d have my break time snacks so fast just so that I could work on my assignments before the bell to go home rang. What a joy it would be, walking home knowing I was done with homework and nothing would keep me indoors. However, this started changing as I grew up of course. I’ll tell you about how my playtime had to be regulated, some other day.

But how I wish these were still the games we’d be playing…the likes of hide and seek, police and robber… you know them. They were such healthy games. You’d fight and make enemies, but once the game was over, so was everything that came with it. Sadly when we grow up, the games change. Actually, flip. And if there’s a game I want to talk about today, it’s that competition game. Truth be told, it stems from envy and discontentment. I wish I had that car. Why is his house bigger than mine. I must outshine him in all meetings…and it goes on and on. Competition to me is a game, a game I don’t engage in if it’s unhealthy, which in most cases, it usually is.

Unhealthy competition never brings out the best out of anyone. Now since this is just a blog post, not a book, and i’m here trying to make it as short as possible, let me just talk about the loss of authenticity that comes with unhealthy competition. Fact is, there’s only one version of you and I. So why should I deny y’all the privilege of interacting with Doris Koki (you can insert your name there) just because I’ve decided I want be like Miss so and so? I’m not trying to say i’m that awesome or anything of the sort, but if the shoe fits.

Point is, I can only bring out the best version of myself by being me, and searching deep within, not without. That is one reason why I really get disappointed when people go copying anything and everything. I remember when I was a kid, there was this friend of mine who literally copy pasted all my outfits, I know this sounds petty haha, but I’m not kidding. And it starts with these small things by the way. So if I got a certain dress in a certain design, boom, the next time we met, she’d have the exact same type of dress. If I went on a jeans spree, guess what, there she’d go again. Lol!

It bothered me so much back then, and It’s only now that I’m realizing, it really shouldn’t have. Nowadays, it’s no issue for me. You can copy everything even if it goes down to how I laugh haha. I mean, if something is good, you’re allowed to borrow the idea! Just don’t copy and paste. Now in retrospect, I think what really annoyed me with my friend up there was the thought that she didn’t know that she also had it in her to come up with the most amazing of dress ideas. We shortchange ourselves when all we do is copy. I have seen many people engaging in this game, just to fit in. Sad!

If you don’t be your unique self, you’ll never exist!

Here’s the thing, if you don’t be your unique self, you’ll never exist. Another thing is, if you’re going to be great, do great things, come up with great ideas, get ready to be copied. That’s just it, and that’s why you should not mind it. If anything, if you’re in a position to lift someone up with your methodologies, do it! My only problem is when people start looking around and ignoring what you’re made of. Yes, you can strongly admire other people, its not a bad thing, but not to a point of doing everything, literally everything like they do it. Come on! You can do better, if you just looked within.

With this whole story and memories from childhood, my concern is just one, why are you trading your authenticity for what you think is cool? Sadly, what most people don’t realize, is how you slowly lose your authenticity in the process of trying to become like someone else. You don’t want to be in that place where you don’t know what’s right, you don’t know if you should say this or that, if you should wear this or that, if you look good or not, why? Because you’ve given someone else that power. Because they’re now you’re measuring stick. Because you’ve lost your gauge.

Convert that energy to look within. Keep tabs with yourself as much as you do with them. Yes, admire people! Look up to people! Take great advice from people! But understand that your life is yours and only yours to run. You just don’t know how much better you’d become if you were authentic. You just don’t know how much creativity there is in you, the power in you. Quit looking outside. Look within and always look up! I always say as long as I’ve got God, i’m good. Because Him being my creator, only He can help me unpack this glorious package, me!

Be you, do you! Get into deep conversations with your creator and listen as He tells you who He made you to be. Originality will never go out of style. You shine when you’re authentic!!

Till next time, stay safe, be authentic!